What is persistent sexual arousal syndrome?

Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS) is a medical condition where a woman experiences "spontaneous, intrusive and unwanted" feelings of arousal in the genital area without sexual desire. PSAS can continue for days or months, is not abated by sexual activity, and causes distraction and psychological distress in sufferers. Congratulations, ladies. Now you know what it's like to be a man.

Sexually transmitted disease in a monogamous couple is possible

The sudden appearance of a sexually transmitted disease (STD) in a monogamous couple does not necessarily indicate infidelity by either partner. Some infections can lie dormant for years after initial exposure. That's what I told my wife right before she hit me. I guess she wasn't convinced.

A condom inside your wallet is a bad idea

Keeping a condom in your wallet is a bad idea. The constant friction and temperature changes can create microscopic tears in the condom that allow sperm to get through. No one who carries a condom in his wallet should be procreating anyway, at least not until he finishes high school.

Oral contraceptives are less effective in obese women

A recent study comparing the effectiveness of oral contraceptives as they relate to body mass index (BMI) shows that obese or overweight women are up to 70 percent more likely to experience contraception failure and resulting pregnancy than women of average weight. Fortunately, obese people start with the most effective contraceptive of all: obesity.

Twenty percent of men have premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is the most commonly reported sexual dysfunction in men, affecting one in five. Some researchers attribute the problem to unhealthy masturbation habits and sexual insecurities. Don't confuse premature ejaculation with premature evacuation-being so nervous about sex that you crap yourself.

Maybe you have sexual dysfunction

Sexual dysfunction, which includes erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, dyspareunia (vaginal pain during intercourse), low sexual desire, and other conditions, occurs in 31 percent of men and 43 percent of women. Men, if you experience vaginal pain during intercourse, talk to your gynecologist. Or a shrink.

Have you experienced dry orgasms or retrograde ejaculations?

Some men can experience retrograde ejaculation, or "dry orgasms," when semen travels backwards into the bladder instead of being expelled. The illness can be congenital, or caused by medications, diabetes, or damage to nerves and muscles that control the opening of the bladder. It isn't harmful, but it can cause male infertility. You'd think that any orgasm would be good. You'd be wrong.

At what age will andropause start?

Andropause, a male form of menopause, can affect men over forty. The condition, which can affect mood, memory, and overall health, is marked by a decline in testosterone production, as well as fatigue, depression, and sexual problems. Some call these conditions U being over forty.

Five million men have low testosterone

The FDA estimates that 4 to 5 million men suffer from low testosterone, but that only 5 percent of them seek treatment. Testosterone production declines naturally with age, and at least one study suggests that the condition can shorten a man's life span. Yeah, well, what's the point of living without a sex drive?

Fat people have poor semen quality

Overweight men are more likely to have poor semen quality. But fat guy sperm are jovial and mischievous, and always good for a laugh.

Males can have yeast infections too

Yeast infections aren't just a problem for women; men can get them, too, as a result of prolonged antibiotic use, diabetes, an impaired immune system, or, in rare cases, from unprotected sex with a partner who has a yeast infection. But men already scratch their junk all the time, so no big deal.

Do you experience sexual headaches?

We've all heard the jokes, but sexual headaches are a real illness that affects about one in 100 people, either as a dull ache in the neck and head that builds with sexual excitement, or as a sudden and/or severe headache during orgasm. Don't tell my wife about this one, either.

Semen allergy is called human seminal plasma hypersensitivity

Some women are allergic to their male partner's semen, a condition known as human seminal plasma hypersensitivity. Sufferers complain of symptoms such as wheezing, itching, hives, swelling, chest tightness, vomiting, and diarrhea. Severe reactions can cause loss of consciousness and even death from anaphylactic shock. God, don 't tell my wife about this condition. She 's just looking for an excuse.

What is autoerotic asphyxia?

One study reports that autoerotic asphyxia, or cutting off oxygen to the brain to achieve greater sexual satisfaction, claims the lives of 500-1,000 men in this country each year. Would someone please tell these guys that "choking the chicken" is just an expression?

Can a penis get fractured?

Although the penis is not a bone, it can still be fractured. A fracture can occur when the erect penis endures blunt trauma during sexual intercourse or other physical activity. A cracking sound can be heard, followed by pain and swelling that causes the shape of the penis to become distorted. Surgery is often required to repair the damage. Every man reading this just clenched his legs together.

Can a penis get fractured?

Although the penis is not a bone, it can still be fractured. A fracture can occur when the erect penis endures blunt trauma during sexual intercourse or other physical activity. A cracking sound can be heard, followed by pain and swelling that causes the shape of the penis to become distorted. Surgery is often required to repair the damage. Every man reading this just clenched his legs together.

How many Americans have erectile dysfunction?

Erectile dysfunction (ED) affects approximately 18 million American men. If my name were Ed, I'd be pissed that they call this ED. Especially if I had it.

Sleeping with a friend's lover

In an international survey, 14 percent of people admit to having slept with a friend's lover behind his (or her) back. The trick is to be very quiet and pray he doesn't roll over.

How many men would have sex for cash?

Two out of three men say they would have sex for cash, and 16 percent of them would do it for $ 150 or less. The third guy is lying.

Sex with a cousin?

Eight percent of people admit to having sex with a cousin, and six percent confess to doing it with a sibling or half-sibling. Hard to say what's more troubling: the fact that they do it or that they admit it.

Would you tell if you were HIV positive?

12 percent of men surveyed say they would not tell a partner if they were HIV-positive. At least not until after they've had sex. That would just kill the mood.

How many sexually active adults have been tested for HIV?

Only 15 percent of sexually active adults have been tested for HIV, says the National Center for Health Statistics. The other 85 percent are certain they don't have it. No, really, there's no way they could possibly have it, so why bother with that annoying condom?

Who uses dating personal ads?

Of people who use dating personal ads, 35 percent are married. Hey, we all forget things sometimes.

What would you do just to have sex?

Two out of three middle class nineteen-year-old males confess to having gotten a date drunk to coerce her into having sex. Two out of five have used verbal intimidation, and almost one in five have used force or threats. Nearly 60 percent of female college students say that they have had intercourse against their will. The rest of us just worked the pity angle. Tears are surprisingly effective at getting a girl in bed.

A lot of Americans have genital herpes

Up to 20 percent of Americans have genital herpes, which has no cure and is easily transmitted through sexual contact. Genital herpes: the gift that keeps on giving.

At what age does the human brain stop growing?

The human brain stops growing at the age of eighteen. Probably because most eighteen-year-olds know everything by then. If you don't believe me, ask them.

Lack of sleep or lack of food?

A person can live without eating for weeks, but will only survive eleven days without sleep. People around those who haven't slept, however, will only survive a day or two.

Do females secrete smegma or is it exclusive for males?

Smegma is a white, foul-smelling, cheese-like secretion sometimes found under the foreskin in males and around the clitoris in females. Smegma is produced by body oils and the bacteria that feed on them. Some studies have suggested a link between smegma and penile and cervical cancer. You had me at "cheese-like."

Fecal vomiting is not a myth

Copremesis, or fecal vomiting, is not a myth: a bowel obstruction can cause feces to be drawn into the stomach from the intestine by spasmodic contractions of the gastric muscles, which the stomach then attempts to expel through vomiting. That explains some people's breath.

Diagnoses of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder are rising

Diagnoses of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD) have risen by 9 million new cases in the last ten years, and the condition now affects 4- 12 percent of American children. Researchers also discovered that - hey, look, a seagull!

Occurrence of diabetes in children is increasing

The occurrence of Type 2 Diabetes in children, once unheard of, has risen 45 percent in this country in the last ten years, largely due to soaring obesity rates among our kids. Too bad they don't let kids play dodgeball in school anymore. They'd have a lot more targets than when I was a kid.

Newborns with teeth?

About 1 in 2,000 babies is born with teeth. If the teeth are membranous, they will be reabsorbed into the body. If fixed firmly, don't remove them, or no other teeth will reappear in their place until the permanent teeth start to come in at age six or seven. It's easy to spot a baby with teeth. He's the one drinking from a bottle instead of breastfeeding.

How many scents can your nose remember?

Your nose can remember 50,000 different scents. So, unlike a dog, once you sniff someone's crotch, you'll remember the smell and won't have to sniff them again later. That's a good thing, because sticking your nose in someone's crotch is a good way to get thrown out of a bar, trust me.

Babies don't have kneecaps

Babies are born without kneecaps sort of. They have cartilage in their kneecaps which does not Ossify into bone until 3-5 years of age. This explains why infants are notorious gamblers. They don't have to worry about having their kneecaps broken if they don't pay their bookies.

How many brain cells do you lose each day?

The average human loses 85,000 brain cells each day, but only regenerates 50 new ones. Which is a lot like my 401(k)- except for the regenerating part.

What are goose bumps for?

Goose bumps are caused by piloerection, a fight-or-flight reflex that once made us seem bigger to predators and kept us warm by making our hair stand straight up. We lost the fur in evolution, but not the reflex. And I'm okay with that. If I get cold, I'd rather put on a sweater than be a sweater.

Marital discord makes wounds heal more slowly

Research suggests that marital discord makes wounds heal more slowly. A recent study showed that couples with consistently hostile behaviors healed at a 40 percent slower rate than low-hostility couples. Which means you're gonna have that shoe mark on your forehead for a while, bud.

Urine is cleaner than saliva

Believe it or not, fresh urine is cleaner than saliva or your facial skin. Healthy urine is sterile and contains little or no bacteria when it leaves your body. Being cleaner than spit isn't really a bragging point.

City people have more ear wax

People who live in big cities make more ear wax. Ah, okay. No wonder big city folks never stop when I try to ask them for directions. They can't hear me. Whew! I was starting to think maybe they were just assholes.

How many people pick their noses?

Seventy percent of people admit to picking their nose; 30 percent of those confess to eating what they picked. 100 percent of people admit to puking when they read that.

How much snot do you swallow?

The average human swallows about a quart of snot every day. What's really cool is when you can hear people sucking it out of their sinuses and swallowing. I love that sound, especially in restaurants.

Can a human liver grow back?

The human liver performs no fewer than 500 different functions. If a portion of it were removed, the liver would continue to work and would rapidly grow back to its normal size. Well, depending on the size of the portion. Don't go lopping off huge chunks of your liver to give away, okay?

How big is an "Extreme Gulp"

An "Extreme Gulp" drink sold at 7-11 convenience stores has twice as much liquid as the average human stomach can hold. Which is why no one holds it. And why I sit on the end of the row at the movies.

Saliva swimming pool

Your body produces enough saliva during your lifetime to fill two swimming pools. Luckily, most swimming pools are already filled with saliva, so yours isn't needed.

Fart atomic bomb

Continuous farting for six years and nine months would create energy equal to that of an atomic bomb. I need to hook my child up with the Defense Department.

1/4 cup of foot sweat

The 250,000 pores that exist on the soles of the feet secrete almost 1/4 cup of sweat every day. Oh, is that all? No wonder they smell so good.

One cigarette takes 11 minutes off your life

The British Medical Journal has estimated that smoking one cigarette takes eleven minutes off the life of an average person. Too bad those eleven minutes don't disappear right as you're smoking, say, during The English Patient.

Single-celled human

All humans exist for half an hour as a single cell at conception. Some of us stay that way.

Less sleep can cause obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease

Less sleep disturbs normal metabolism, which contributes to obesity, diabetes, and cardiovascular disease. People who averaged just five hours of sleep a night also showed a higher level of ghrelin, a hormone the stomach releases to signal hunger. People who average just five hours of sleep a night also show a higher level of ghrouch, a hormone that makes you want to kick someone's ass when they say, "You look tired."

How many cells in our bodies are actually human?

Only 10 percent of the cells in our bodies are actually human. The rest are the 90 trillion bacteria that live on or in us, covering our bodies from head to toe. Only 5 percent of the cells in Christopher Walken's body are actually human. The rest are from an alien world.

Skin flakes contain bacteria

Humans shed about 1.5 million skin flakes every hour. Bath sponges and washcloths can be filled with these flakes and their accompanying Staphylococcus aureus, a common skin bacteria that can cause infection if it ends up in the wrong part of the body. In other words, don't wash your crack with someone else's loofa unless you want to spend the next six months scratching it.

You most likely have asymmetrical breasts

More than 90 percent of women have asymmetrical breasts. While most asymmetry is slight and inconspicuous, women with significantly mismatched breasts can suffer mental and emotional anguish. Especially if you call them "Feldmans" or ask if one breast is adopted.

Male breast cancer?

Breast cancer isn't just a women's disease. Men can get it, too, though they do so much less frequently, about one man for every 100 women. Also, unlike women, men typically only get the disease after age fifty. Sounds to me like a good excuse to go into the mobile mammography bus and scope out some bare boobs.

Do you have extra nipples?

Some people are born with extra nipples (polythelia) or even extra breasts (polymastia). Extra or "accessory" breasts are most commonly found in the armpits, but can develop anywhere along mammary ridges, which extend from the armpits to the upper thighs. And, by the way, we still don't know why men have a mammary ridge, just that they do. "I have nipples, Focker. Are you gonna milk me ? " - Meet the Parents.

Soccer and cardiac death

A study in Germany found an increase in sudden cardiac death on days that the German soccer team was playing in the World Cup championship. If they ever win one, that number will go up, as thousands more Germans will die of shock.

Strong emotions can lead to sudden cardiac death

Strong positive or negative emotions - ecstasy, grief, excitement can lead to sudden cardiac death via ventricular fibrillation (irregular heartbeat), as in the case of people who have died during sexual intercourse or when frightened. Or when frightened during sexual intercourse, which happens more often than you might think. At least it does to me.

What is being "scared to death"?

Being "scared to death" can happen. The body's protective mechanism, the fight-or-flight response, pumps adrenaline into the blood, causing the nervous system to increase blood flow to muscles, dilate the pupils and, in some cases, evacuate the bowels. But adrenaline is toxic in large amounts and can cause death if it floods the heart unchecked. So being "scared shitless " isn't just hyperbole, either.

10 million new sperm cells

Male testicles create 10 million new sperm cells every day, enough to repopulate the planet in just six months. Some men try, too.

You have 5 million hairs

By the time you're an adult, you're likely to have about 5 million hairs growing out of your skin-the same number as a gorilla, or Robin Williams.

Bladder softball

When full, the bladder expands to roughly the same size as a softball. But it feels like a basketball, made of lead.

What types of bacteria do you have?

The types of bacteria in the human mouth vary among the world's population. North Americans, South Americans, and Swedes harbor different bacteria. I think I need to swap spit with a Swedish woman so we can compare bacteria.